my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
