I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
