I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize