I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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