using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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