No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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