I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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