her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
All the doctor said was why
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
