put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
