I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
