rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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