It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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