when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
