a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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