Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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