Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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