i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
