not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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