Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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