The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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