I wannas sexs uuuuu
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I want her autograph on my taint
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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