For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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