so that wasnt chicken after all
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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