I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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