he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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