God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
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on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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