A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
