I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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