He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
