Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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