Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
