You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
