We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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