Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize