My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
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I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
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But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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