Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
