just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
