i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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