Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
