Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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