To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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