I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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