I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
