i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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