i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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