Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
