Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
