lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
