I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
