Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
