Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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