I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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