the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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