he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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