Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
