The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
