Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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