yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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