I will die if light touches me.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
