my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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