we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
