one two three fourrrrnication!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
