why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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