Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
