drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Randomize
