3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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