You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
