There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
