i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
