final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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