your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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